Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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