Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize