I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Who died my cat blue again?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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