I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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