first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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