remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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