they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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