It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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