He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
