Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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