Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
