I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
