I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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