dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
