i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
