It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
