i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
