: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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