we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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