She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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