I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
