this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
