I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
