Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
