apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
