i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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