So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
