wrigley field is MILF paradise
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
