what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
