I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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