Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
