what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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