once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
