Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
