I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
