Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
