Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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