Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
