I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
