I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
