I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
