Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Randomize
