Having a random hookup so left but love u
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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