Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
