Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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