so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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