i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
