Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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