It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
