my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
