we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
