When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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