she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
