he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
