you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
