He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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