Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
