arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
