went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
