saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Found your dick twin last night
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
