I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
sex in a hospital.. check
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
