I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
