He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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