My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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