I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
