Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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