You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
