I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
