So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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