who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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