she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
