Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was confusing and full of hummus
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
