Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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