two words...techno handjob
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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