why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
