I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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