the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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