Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
