Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
