some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have feelings that need drinking.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
