I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
