At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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