I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize