She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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