She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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