I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
