I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
