He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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