If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I touched a dick in church today
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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