So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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