Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
