i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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