i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
