Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
