fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you will always have a special place in my vag
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
