i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
