I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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