Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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