I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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