he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
