then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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