Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
