someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You took a bar mat shot.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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