This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
