can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
