is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I enjoy the company of your penis
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
