conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize