I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
